Creative Writing Awards 2022 Winner: “My Most Dearest Ruthie” by Sajni Persad

The 19th Annual Creative Writing Awards (CWA) were held on May 5, 2022, a celebration of the liberal arts deeply embedded in the science and clinical practice of the Yale School of Nursing (YSN) community. After a keynote speech by nurse and author Beth Cavenaugh, RN, BSN, CHPN each of the three winners read their work aloud. Family Nurse Practitioner (FNP) student Sajni Persad ‘23 MSN took a top prize for her poem “My Most Dearest Ruthie.”

My Most Dearest Ruthie

Vulnerability is a notable strength 
For you my dear Ruthie to lie in your hospice bed
Exposed to the pain and discomfort of your ever-growing tumors
First it started in your ovaries
Then it crept up your spine and everywhere in-between 
It was like a spider web engulfing and suffocating every living breathing organ within your once agile and healthy body

Vulnerability is a notable strength 
For you my dear Ruthie to lie in your hospice bed
Exposed to the constant itching and urge to bear down
Deeply breathing in and doing your best to relax
While I placed a suppository to relieve your angry antagonizing hemorrhoid 
Wincing in pain
Frowning eyebrows
Breathing out slowly through your parched lips
A single tear somberly dropped from your sunken face 
Yet you were a champ, my dear Ruthie

Vulnerability is a notable strength
For you my dear Ruthie to lie in your hospice bed
Exposed to your fears flashing rapidly before your solemn eyes
“This hemorrhoid will heal, right? It won’t always be like this, right? I won’t be suffering? A burden to those around me? Unable to fend for myself like I once was? Could I have done something more to not be like this?”

You asked me as your voice quivered 
Being a nurse is a humbling strength
For me to sit empathetically by your bedside
Honoring these profound moments with you
Exposed to your vulnerability that you bravely shared
Exposed to your warm yet fragile hand as I held it gently 

Being a nurse is a humbling strength
For me to sit attentively by your bedside
Holding back my tears 
Exposed to the reality of your health’s decline
Exposed to the delicate art of consoling you and offering you comforting words

Being a nurse is a humbling strength
For me to sit helplessly by your bedside 
Wishing to have a God-given power to take away all your anguish
Exposed to the difficulty of setting aside that my wish of mine
Exposed to the balancing art of explaining to you and without scaring you, my dear Ruthie, that:

As reality will have it, your stage 4 ovarian cancer is ravaging your entire body and will continue to do so. That even though you were exposed to the nausea, drowsiness, incoherence of your surroundings, loss of appetite—all induced by 0.25 mg of oxycodone, —
You must consider taking the full 0.5 mg dose of oxycodone as originally prescribed
Or pain and discomfort is what you will continue to feel 
You must consider taking the newly prescribed methadone
Or pain and discomfort is what you will continue to feel 
While we understand that you thoroughly hate the unnerving side effects you felt the first time around
You must choose between sleeping pain-free or being awake filled with this current agony 
May you understand that we only want what’s best for you 
And that means for you to hopefully choose to be comfortable and at peace leading up to your passing

My dear Ruthie, if you would ever so kindly listen to me and believe with every bone in your body that: 
You have nothing to fear for we will be by your side every step of the way
You are not and will never be a burden to us
You are currently nearing the end of your journey on this physical plane—we call Earth
Need I remind you of your very own words: “God is good.” 
God is loving. God is greater than your fears. God is waiting for His angel to return home.
And it is with your unshaken faith that He will guide us and not let you suffer for more than needed
We will be here by your side doing what we most deeply and passionately love doing: caring for you like our very own and doing everything in our power to ensure you are not in any pain till your very last breath
So, my most dearest Ruthie, when you are ready to go, may you simply, go
For we will find solace in knowing that you were called back to your maker’s everlasting home   

Read More CWA 2022 Winners 

Read the award-winning entries of the other two 2022 honorees: Michaela Gabrielle Serafica for “Dancing in my Golden Terno,” and Gayelan Tietje-Ulrich for “Paperwhites.”