Creative Writing Awards 2024: “Float On” by Michelle D.

The 21st annual Creative Writing Awards (cwa) were held on April 24, 2024, a celebration of the liberal arts deeply embedded in the science and clinical practice of the Yale Cchool of Nursing (YSN) community. After a keynote speech by Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Pam Belluck, each of the three winners read their work aloud. Three honorable mentions were also saluted.

Float On

by Michelle D. ‘24 MSN

In a sunny and dingy Motel 6 pool, my father taught me how to float on my back.  

Having not learned how to swim until he was 18, he was determined that I was going to be a proficient swimmer, or at least be able to float so that I would not drown.  

Eventually, I ditched my fluorescent orange water wings and learned how to keep myself horizontal with minimal effort.  

While in nursing school at Yale, I realized that healthcare is a lot like swimming in the sense that sometimes you need to swim like hell and other times you need to float along to conserve your energy. 

When looking around at other people in medical graduate programs, it can often seem as though they are moving through time and space so effortlessly.  

It is similar to watching other swimmers in the Yale Payne Whitney pool, who have clearly swum competitively. Their strokes are fast, rhythmic, and in-sync.  

I, a master of the doggy paddle and lopsided backstroke had to will myself to go back to the pool.  

But later, I began to notice the water joggers, and beginner swimmers who tended to occupy the pool at more empty hours of the day.  

Everyone has to start somewhere, and sometimes you get water splashed up your nose regardless of your skill level.  

I remember that my nursing anatomy professor mentioning the Stanford Duck Experiment which posited that students in struggling to survive the pressures of a competitive environment will present themselves as ducks, gliding across water while they are paddling like hell beneath the surface.   

While we often glorify those who swim farthest and fastest, moments of stagnation and rest are often what keeps us able stay in a demanding and difficult professions.  

Yes, I have studied for hundreds of hours in various coffee shops, had hospital shifts where I hardly used the bathroom, and days where I wondered how I would keep up all of my commitments. Sometimes I fell flat, sometimes I was not the version of myself that I wanted to be.  

But I have also had other students who threw me a pool noodle (or study guide) to get me out of deep water, a partner who would provide me with countless meals and cuddles, a band of neighbors that made New Haven feel like a home, and intelligent and supportive clinical preceptors and professors who encouraged me to just keep swimming.  

I had the running trails of East Rock Park, dog watching at Atticus Market, frog catching, ponds swimming and icy East Coast skiing. While my life largely revolved around nursing school, the life that happened outside of school was just as big a part of my learning.   

I am about to graduate and in many ways, I feel as though I am starting from the beginning.  

I am in awe of so many of the nurses I met, who stood up for each other and who stood up for their patients.  

Who strove to provide excellent care.  

Who persevered when it got difficult.  

And who took breaks when they needed it.  

In the words of band Modest Mouse, “We’ll all float on, okay.”   

Read More CWA 2024 Winners